yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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