Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
