i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Someone came in the potted fern
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
