On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
