thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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