matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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