My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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