none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
