The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
