Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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