the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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