ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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