I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
