I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Randomize
