You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
