All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
