Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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