not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
