i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
