the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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