Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
