I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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