in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
