he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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