No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
