Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
