My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
