that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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