420 ftw
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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