what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
