there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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