god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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