I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
