I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
