My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
