i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
