no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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