Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
