Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
