Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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