WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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