Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
