saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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