i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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