how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
