Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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