if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
