see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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