While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
