It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize