My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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