I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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