I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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