Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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