I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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