Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
