Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
