I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
