We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize