i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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