i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
