why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
