my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
