You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
