Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
