I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm both gender and math confused
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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