Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
