He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize