My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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