I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
