Can Purell be used as lube?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
