I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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